it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she told me i tasted like america
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
