Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
