i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
