I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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