If i come over, it means nothing
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
