John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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