Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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