It's Friday. Sex?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
