I looked at my own cervix.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
