My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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