Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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