i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
