You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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