she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
