Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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