y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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