Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
