Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize