he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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