Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
