The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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