and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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