Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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