The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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