Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
