your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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