ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
