Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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