Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
