I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
