I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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