this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
