this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
