ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
where am i from again
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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