I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
