you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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