it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
