Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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