Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
