Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
