Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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