I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
