also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
