i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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