I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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