There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
