4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
