I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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