Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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