I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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