the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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