as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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