Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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