I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
