South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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