i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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