Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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