True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
