definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
