If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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