Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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