Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
