The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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