why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
