I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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